In Which I Develop a Transport Policy

Today, on my way home from work, I shot round carefully negotiated a busy roundabout when a Nissan Qashqai pulled out in front of me and took my exit at approximately 10 mph.

Needless to say, I was furious.

It’s always a Nissan Qashqai.

People complain about BMW drivers, but at least BMW drivers know where the accelerator is and aren’t afraid to bloody use it.

There was nothing to be done. I sighed, settled back, and prepared for the inevitable 25 mph journey home.

Cornish roads are not designed for overtaking. They are narrow, twisty and lined with hedges apparently constructed specifically to prevent you seeing anything coming the other way. Even when a rare stretch of opportunity presents itself, there is every chance you’ll round the next bend and find a tractor occupying most of Cornwall.

So, naturally, I began designing a study.

The hypothesis is straightforward:

Nissan Qashqai drivers should be banned from the roads before 09:30 and after 16:30.

There will need to be data collection, obviously. Vehicle type. Speed. Time of day. Perhaps a control group of BMW drivers, who will presumably have disappeared over the horizon before I’ve had time to record their registration.

Once I have gathered sufficient evidence and subjected it to rigorous statistical analysis, I shall submit my findings for peer review.

Then I’ll start a petition on GOV.UK.

This is how public policy should work.